Tuesday, October 4, 2011

In all things God is Good!

If we just sit and hurt, nothing will ever change for the good.

This sentence makes me sit back and truly think. I believe that my personal pain is more then physical, it is also a mental hurt and my heart hurts. 

Being ill with multiple illnesses, I am fully aware of the physical pain. My body hurts ALL THE TIME. The degree in which I am in pain varies throughout the day. Each moment is different then the moment before. When asked to specify what hurts I am not always capable of answering this completely. 99% of the time my answer will be the body part that hurts the MOST at that moment in time. To be completely honest would be too overwhelming, for myself and the questioner.

My mental pain comes from trying to keep up with the daily pace of life. Often with a massive headache. My mind is constantly in overdrive, processing the lights and sounds around me. Often I can't keep up and thoughts become a jumbled mess. Unable to process what is being said to me is almost like being deaf. I can hear the words being said, but they don't register. It is quite frustrating for myself and those around me.  Being fairly new to my illnesses, I am mentally exhausted. Trying to educate myself and those around me is my new full time job. Arranging medical appointments with doctors, physical therapy, lab work and scans, having and recovering from surgery is all consuming. Thinking about the next step and praying that the medical professionals take you seriously and acknowledge you is stressful. My mind hurts.

My heart is in pain too. The emotions of being sick can be overwhelming as well. But I think having an "invisible illness" or not having a "socially acceptable illness" causes my heart to hurt the most. Being honest here. The general public gravitate to certain illnesses. The one that comes to mind first is cancer. Sometimes it feels as if you are only truly sick if you have some form of cancer. When you say you suffer from Arthritis the reaction is "oh just arthritis". And honestly I haven't told but a handful of people about the Chiari. Why bother. One, it is quite complicated to explain and two, will they even care. sigh. My heart hurts because there is no support in my life, beyond my husband and mom.

 If we just sit and hurt, nothing will ever change for the good.

Making change for the good....

I need a game plan. I do not want to sit and allow pain to rule my life. I need to move forward. So how am I going to do that?

Physically: I plan to work towards a healthier life style. Making changes to my eating habits and my activity habits. I want to do this, I need to do this.

Mentally: I need to slow down and realize my limitations. Accept them and adjust my life to my new pace. Stop obsessing over the what ifs. And focus on the good.

My heart: I will dive into God's truths. Stop looking for others to fill His shoes. Be thankful for what I do have. Choose Joy!

In all things God is Good. In my illness God is Good. In those that disappoint me, doctors, friends and family, God is Good. My God is Good and My Good is Faithful. 

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